no more random thoughts

i used to post random thoughts that would come to me during the day. lately, however, i am not getting "random thoughts" at work anymore. i get really angry thoughts instead. or really cloudy thoughts.

first of all, i went to see a naturopath doctor (who came highly recommended and is a teacher at the naturopathic college). he got my problems right away and prescribed a herbal tea, some pills, and a tinture for before meals. the next two days when i began taking the herbal remedies are completely blurry to me. i would wake up early (i.e. 6am) on my own, but by the time i got to work (around 9am), i was extremely exhausted. exhausted to the point of not being able to form coherent sentences when engaged in friendly or business conversations. exhausted to the point of not remembering how i got to work that day. exhausted to the point of forgetting where i parked (i have never forgotten where i parked, except when we came back from europe but that was because we left for 10 days. and i only got the floor wrong but the spot right).

anyway, so the haziness might be attributed to the naturopathic remedies, but maybe i was feeling under the weather or just ran out of energy altogether. i persisted and continued taking them, albeit with a little less enthusiasm. i wasn't as tired anymore but still pretty fatigued. this morning i decided to stop drinking the tea (i think it might be a little too calming) at work, and picked up my usual cup of daily drip from starbucks. i also decided to stop taking the multi-vitamin that is supposed to give me energy, and reverted back to my own multi-vitamin from GNC. i feel so much better.

that doesn't explain my angry thoughts. sure, it might be attributed to being that time of the month (i got all teary-eyed reading campaign speeches, come on). i think it also has something to do with the fact that i'm just getting so bored at work. thanks to the economic recession, moving upwards or even horizontally seems more difficult, and i just don't know if i have the stamina to last through the recession until departmental movements begin again. i'm not bored in the sense that i have nothing to do. i am bored because i have so much inane stuff to do. the only way i comfort myself is that at least my bosses aren't abusive (verbally), at least i get paid pretty well compared to other marketing analysts (this is a whole can of worms someone else opened and i secretly gloated over), and at least i don't have to worry too much about job security.

seriously though, i am 24, not 42, so i'm a little bored of being responsible and comforted by the fact that job security is important to me. why should it be when everyone else is off seeing the world, doing meaningful things for their lives that are memorable?

i think i need anger management and a prolonged vacation.