changes

two years out of school, what are the subtle (and not-so-subtle) differences about me?

- i instinctively drive with my shoes off. i don't know how to drive with shoes on anymore. this is a huge change from 2006 when i hadn't driven for 4 years and was scared to even entertain the idea of driving in toronto. this is also a change that isn't easily observable.

- i have gained at least 16 pounds. most of this comes from this past year. i notice the differences on my body slightly, but at the same time it is so easy to adjust to the added cushions that i haven't been seriously alarmed yet. i have had a couple of episodes of "i-don't-fit-in-anything-anymore", but surprisingly enough i've also almost acquiesed to this change in me. however, for the sake of my elie saab, i have decided i must make a change and lose this blubber. the last thing i want is to be 25 years old and still feeling like i can lose another 10-15 pounds.

- my perception of money and wealth has changed dramatically. designer labels used to feel much more unattainable to me, but somewhere along the line i've changed. i think now it's more justifiable in my world. i know that my lifestyle is indulgent, and i can't help but think of the SATC episode denise told me. i'm the girl who spends my money on shoes rather than practical things, and perhaps other people would balk at my choices, but somehow it works for me. i also know that somehow i'm able to stretch out my salary so it barely affords me and me alone. should i feel ashamed about my lack of concern for budgeting and practical spending or should i just chalk it up to being young and childless and indulge myself like carrie did in SATC?

- adding to the money talk, i eat out a lot more and damnit i also enjoy nice wine now! as i stood in line at the lcbo one evening, two bottles of chilled whites in hand, i realized that this is a dangerous habit. i mean, $35 every couple of weeks is a luxury that i don't really need to make my life better. again, should i feel guilty about how i choose to spend my money?

- i'm lazier. after a day at work, it's so easy to just wallow on the couch and do nothing. watch the giant pile of laundry sitting in the corner, glaze over when the dishes in the sink add up, look away when the windows are smudged...that sounds about right. this makes me miss being in school because i could do a lot more with my time then. honestly, nobody believes me but i really didn't study much in university, so i made cupcakes and cookies and homemade meals and cleaned and organized...

i don't know what to make of these changes. obviously more changes need to be made (see point re: weight), but for now, i'm not sure if i like the changes in me so far.