should i be seeing signs?

as much as i would like to treat each blog entry to a nice picture of something, i just can't do it because it's such a huge production right now. i felt the need to justify that, and now i feel better.

a couple of weeks ago when a spanair flight crashed, i got goosebumps. alex and i are flying from malaga to barcelona on spanair (and earning aeroplan miles while doing it!) so that's slightly concerning. thennn, my second sign came yesterday when alex called me at 12:57pm - hey, zoom (airline) is "days away from ceasing operation"!

we booked our flights to paris on zoom because american express had just signed a merchant deal with them so employees got an additional 15% off. well then. hopefully the airline will remain in business until our trip is over. at 2:38pm alex called again - yeah, they're closed. nobody answers the phone there anymore. there's a statement on the website. looks pretty darn ceased already!!

so i'm thinking, freaking hell, should i just stay home for the week? then i think, but i have all these flights and hotels booked in europe! then i check the prices on airfrance.ca, ba.com, aircanada.com, and i think, holy crap flights are SO expensive! then i call amex (GREAT company btw, not biased) and they said they'd pay me back for the zoom tickets in 6-8 weeks so i think that's ok then, at least i'm getting money back. after a lot of debating, we just bit the bullet and bought tickets encore - full price. my biggest lesson learned in the past year is that all problems, big or small, go away when you throw money at them. indeed we threw our hard-earned cash at aircanada.com and now we're back on track to be in paris on september 6th!

seriously, though - two incidents hinting that perhaps i shouldn't take this vacay. what next? if there's a third sign from now until september 5th, i'm going to be realllllly concerned.

changes

two years out of school, what are the subtle (and not-so-subtle) differences about me?

- i instinctively drive with my shoes off. i don't know how to drive with shoes on anymore. this is a huge change from 2006 when i hadn't driven for 4 years and was scared to even entertain the idea of driving in toronto. this is also a change that isn't easily observable.

- i have gained at least 16 pounds. most of this comes from this past year. i notice the differences on my body slightly, but at the same time it is so easy to adjust to the added cushions that i haven't been seriously alarmed yet. i have had a couple of episodes of "i-don't-fit-in-anything-anymore", but surprisingly enough i've also almost acquiesed to this change in me. however, for the sake of my elie saab, i have decided i must make a change and lose this blubber. the last thing i want is to be 25 years old and still feeling like i can lose another 10-15 pounds.

- my perception of money and wealth has changed dramatically. designer labels used to feel much more unattainable to me, but somewhere along the line i've changed. i think now it's more justifiable in my world. i know that my lifestyle is indulgent, and i can't help but think of the SATC episode denise told me. i'm the girl who spends my money on shoes rather than practical things, and perhaps other people would balk at my choices, but somehow it works for me. i also know that somehow i'm able to stretch out my salary so it barely affords me and me alone. should i feel ashamed about my lack of concern for budgeting and practical spending or should i just chalk it up to being young and childless and indulge myself like carrie did in SATC?

- adding to the money talk, i eat out a lot more and damnit i also enjoy nice wine now! as i stood in line at the lcbo one evening, two bottles of chilled whites in hand, i realized that this is a dangerous habit. i mean, $35 every couple of weeks is a luxury that i don't really need to make my life better. again, should i feel guilty about how i choose to spend my money?

- i'm lazier. after a day at work, it's so easy to just wallow on the couch and do nothing. watch the giant pile of laundry sitting in the corner, glaze over when the dishes in the sink add up, look away when the windows are smudged...that sounds about right. this makes me miss being in school because i could do a lot more with my time then. honestly, nobody believes me but i really didn't study much in university, so i made cupcakes and cookies and homemade meals and cleaned and organized...

i don't know what to make of these changes. obviously more changes need to be made (see point re: weight), but for now, i'm not sure if i like the changes in me so far.

my mother

I like my mother, I really do. Ask anyone who knows me. I talk to my mom at least once every two days, I like visiting her, and I always follow her around when I'm home (much like what I did when I was 2 years old and unwilling to part with a parental unit). We always have things to talk about, I can tell her mostly everything (in time), and of my two parents I'm definitely closer to her.

She's in town now. I am seriously questioning my own sanity. Perhaps I was too quick to conclude that we get along. Perhaps I was delusional to think that we have a healthy relationship.

Two minutes after picking her up at the airport, she asked me if I had instant noodles, the Taiwanese kind. I replied no. (Alex doesn't endorse "junk" in the house, and I hardly ever crave it. When I do, I drive for 5 mins to T&T, buy one pack, indulge, and wait another two months before the next urge hits me.) She then proceeded to list all the failed expectations of not having a warm bowl of soup and noodles, especially after such a trying long day that she'd had. Egged on by her hunger, she then asked her next question (and I feel like she must've know the answer deep down): Will I have coffee tomorrow morning? I replied no, I don't have a coffee maker. I was almost defiant in my response because I knew that would add fuel to her fire, and sure enough, it did. How could I possibly invite house guests when I don't have a necessity such as a coffee maker? Um, because I want to buy a Saeco Odeo Gira Espresso Machine that makes Caffe Americano but haven't found justification to drop $1,000 on it?

Anyway, this really set the tone for the rest of the night (two hours). In the hours between travelling home (making a pit stop in Chinatown for noodles before my ears fell off from her whining) and going to bed, she decided it was absolutely crazy of me to

a) not own window treatments in my north-facing windows - $2,100 for Hunter Douglas Silhouettes, why would anyone have bought window treatments after getting a quote like that?! We are looking to do something eventually...
b) not have a kitchen backsplash - I want to do stainless steel subway tiles, so it's taking a while to organize it. Meanwhile I take perverse pleasure in ruining my wall above the stove because it'll be covered up eventually anyway!
c) want stainless steel tiles - apparently that's a sign I'm "cold".
d) make her sit on my Bertoia chairs at the dining table...don't you know, she almost FELL OFF! - Um, I like my designer, I like the choices we made together, and you can sit on the upholstered fancy chairs if your unbalanced butt wishes
e) not have all upholstered fancy chairs - that'll be $2,000. Will it be on your MasterCard, Mom?
f) not have updated lighting fixtures - seriously, who cares. I know I'll get there eventually and for now, I have enough light to function.
g) not have a junction box over my dining table - again, who cares. She doesn't know this, but we only bought the table less than two weeks ago because imagine if we didn't have a dining table for when she came to visit!!
h) not have renovated my bathroom. I won't even go into details here because that'll just end up being a post on its own.
i) not have two bathrooms - I feel like she's Rachel's sister and I'm Rachel...yes, you may go upstairs and use the "second" bathroom. Say hi to the people who live there.
j) not have breakfast materials - I daren't tell her I don't eat breakfast at home generally. I was too tired for another defensive argument.
k) have "dirty" floors - I'm sorry if your feet picked up some dust. I do not live in a bubble and there is likely some "floor-stuff" on my floors. I refuse to devote my life to cleaning daily and certainly don't have the money to pay for someone else to do so for me!

The list really went on, and continued again in the AM because I stayed home until 9:30 before heading over to Ogilvy and then Aeroplan for meetings.

Honestly, ask me on Tuesday next week how I feel about my mother. I may very well have changed my opinion. What if she becomes one of those bitter old people who just criticize others to make themselves feel better(?)...like Monica's mom!! Ugh.

always love

- i don't care if you have a trashy reality tv show
- i don't care if your trashy reality tv show indicates that you're hopped up on drugs and alcohol a lot
- i don't care if you sing to me (and i have publicly stated the horror of being sung to)
- i don't care if you still have baby fat
- i don't care if you might've stayed at the paris hilton before*
- i don't care if you don't know my name yet, you will

tonight, my unrequited love for nick carter has been completely, 100%, revived. the backstreet boys concert was absolutely amazing. i can't even begin to describe it. at some point i thought maybe i should write down the order of songs, because i just want to be able to hold on to all the memorable moments.

first of all, i knew i felt strongly about this concert when i passed by the swag shop on the way in and wanted to buy a t-shirt. i have never wanted to buy a concert t-shirt.

they did a mix of old and new, and my favourite favourite part of the concert was the medley of the four best hits. brought me right back to 1999. it began with quit playin' games with my heart, then transitioned into as long as you love me, then the hats came out and we KNEW it had to be all i had to give, and finally, without warning, the best thing ever, i'll never break your heart. sundeep and i almost died of happiness when it came on, and we both at that point understood how some people may feel compelled to cry at concerts. oh my.

in the beginning they did a couple of newer songs (make note: buy all cd's that i don't have yet, i.e. the newer two), and then they did show me the meaning of being lonely and i want it that way. in show me the meaning, nick carter looked freakin' gorgeous. i can't believe that after 11 years, my heart could still be tugged on in the same way that it was touched when i was 13 years old. speaking of which, loved the sign that said "we're legal now". as am i, as am i.

anyway, i digress. the energy at the concert was incredible. people were ALL singing but their sound equipment was good enough that you didn't feel like the crowd singing drowned out their singing. many times, they paused to let the crowd take over. overall, very well done concert. great mix of songs to make sure people are hooked on new stuff and will buy their albums. i can't even describe it even though i wish i could replay the whole thing all over again, minute-by-minute, so i don't ever forget it.

i took a LOT of pics. see facebook for a sample of my favourites.

i'm still swooning.

i will also be posting some pics up in my cube. sundeep and i almost bought the t-shirts so we can wear them to work proudly tomorrow. we know we'd be made fun of, but all the better for the world to see what a great time we had. i am also contemplating going to their show at the ACC on august 27th...somehow.

ahhhh i'm soooo happy.

[edit] just found the set list on wikipedia...so here it is.
Larger Than Life
Everyone
Any Other Way
You Can Let Go
Unmistakable
I Want It That Way
Howie Dorough - She's Like the Sun (Song from Solo Album)
Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
More Than That
Helpless When She Smiles
Trouble Is
Incomplete
A.J. McLean - Drive By Love (Song from Solo Album)
--not sure what happened between here...
Panic
Everything But Mine
--i don't think we saw these ones above but there was definitely something between AJ and Nick
Nick Carter - Blow Your Mind/I Got You (Song from Now or Never) medley
Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)
As Long As You Love Me
All I Have To Give
I'll Never Break Your Heart
Inconsolable
Brian Littrell - Welcome Home (You)
The One
Treat Me Right
The Call
Everybody (Backstreet's Back)
Encore: Shape of My Heart

*the paris hilton thing is on condition that he doesn't have cooties from his stay.

You remind me

of a person I once knew. She was so charmed but still managed to be charming. She was so willing to give everything her all, but also demanded to be given everything that you or I had. The world was wrapped around her pinkie, and the world loved it, and so did she.

You bring out a side of me that I've long laid to rest. Without warning, we all grew up.

You inspire. You encourage. You revive. You touch. You love.

You befuddle me. You help me live. You remind me of things...long forgotten.

---

Sorry for the rant. I'm feeling particularly emo today. Today can also be defined as:
a) abysmal (in relation to work, to "driving results", to how I feel towards it all). In fact, the word has been officially borrowed by everyone from the VP down.
b) blah (in relation to how I feel about the next few hours before I get to go home, and also in relation to how I feel about the laundry that awaits me, and the typical dinner dilemma).
c) confusing (in relation to how I am going to accomplish three major projects in the next three hours, when I really need three days to do it).

797 kilometres

Saturday 7:42AM of the long weekend:
Phone rings three times
Avi: Hello?
Sandy: (phew, he's awake) Hey, where am I picking you up from? (wow, this makes him sound so slutty)
Avi: Shit, my alarm on my Blackberry didn't go off. Give me twenty minutes. I'm at my place.
Sandy: OK (so I have another thirty minutes or so before I have to leave...)

Saturday 7:43AM of the long weekend:
Phone rings four times, about to go to voicemail
Terence: Hel-lo?
Sandy: (don't tell me same thing happened to you) Dude?
Terence: Shit, my alarm didn't go off. Give me fifteen minutes.
Sandy: Well, Avi needs twenty, so I'll see you in twenty five.

Saturday 8:31AM of the long weekend:
All three are now in the car, blocked by two cars in Terence's round-about. On our way!!

Long drive down, but it was fun! It took us until about 11:30 to get to the border at Sarnia, with a pit stop at McD's for breakfast included. The line at the border was sooo long that by the time we successfully crossed, it was well past noon. After much debate, we decided to go straight to Somerset Collection and skip the outlets. I was quite gung-ho about the outlets initially but I decided to be realistic and join the team. Somerset Collection is huge that it really required the dedicated time.

Another hour and fifteen from the border (due to construction and all that), and we finally arrived at Somerset close to 2pm. We began on the South side where the fancy stores are (the side closes at 7pm), and Avi and Terence devised the walking tour plan to ensure we would not accidentally miss a store. We stopped in most of them for quick peeks and so on, and did the laps around Neiman's and Saks too. Barney's Co-op was slightly disappointing - the sale section was tiny, the actual selections were not that impressive, and I didn't see a lot of names/designs that resonated and made my heart jump. Haha. I got a skirt from Theory's fall collection at Neiman's. Since the economy is so bad, it's already on sale from $230 to $80. The customer service at Saks and in general on this South side, was terrible. Saks had a pathetic denim collection, and the women who worked there reminded me of the snootiest of the bunch at Holts. It's such a huge difference from Dallas where everyone's falling all over themselves to help you and make your experience magical. Clearly in Dallas they understand that magical experience = exponential growth in spending power. We got a few little things at C&B and then proceeded to unload at the car and work on the normal people side - the North side.

Since we had already deposited some of our shopping into the car, really, it was like I was starting with a blank slate. The denim collection at Nordstorm's was fantastic (can you imagine having the same style in every single size? What a concept!) and I got COH jeans :-) Finally! I've been punishing myself with "fat clothes" that are mediocre, so I was excited to finally get back to the fancy denim. Anthropologie was really disappointing there, though. It seemed disorganized and also really uninspiring. I hate it when stores don't have any inspiring pieces on the mannequins...it really sets a negative tone on browsing through the rest of the store. We spent a long time at BR for the boys, and Terence went all out. Avi got this beauuutiful pull-over sweater that I just loved! It is such a nice comfy fall sweater, and his outfit of the day just so happened to go with it very well that I felt compelled to find the same one for Alex. No such luck - these two are not meant to be matchy-matchy, I guess. I then stole the sweater from him while he tried on the rest of his stuff...it was so comfortable to wear too!! Haha. I found flats at BR for $25 (marked down from $100 - genuine leather and everything), and an orange knit shirt for work.

We walked past BCBGMaxAzria and I almost turned in, then decided against it, then they encouraged me to go in anyway...and I headed straight for the 70% off racks. They had all these dresses on for 70% off, and I grabbed a couple that I had seen at the Eaton Centre with Denise in May. While I was trying them on (ridiculous looking), I saw another girl try on a black cocktail dress. I asked if I could try it on so they found me a size...and I almost didn't actually put it on because it's satin and I'm not a huge fan of the corset/satin look (kinda trashy when overdone). For reference, the other two I tried on were more tulle than anything else. So anyway, I put it on, and as soon as it zipped, I had a good feeling. So I called Avi and made him come into the store to check it out and we both loved the dress so much (egged on by other shop assistants) that I had to buy it!! It was marked down to $99 from $340!! Definitely best buy of the day for me.

Dinner was at McCormick Schmicks, which I felt really bad about because they had three items on the menu that Avi would actually eat/like. Oops! PF Chang's had a huge line-up, and there was no cheesecake factory close to the mall!! So sad...

We left for home at about 10:45, and got to the border/paid duties & taxes at midnight. By the time we made it back to Toronto, it was 3AM and we were basically all zombies. Avi fell asleep before we even got on the highway in London (driver-switch), and I fell asleep mid-sentence when trying to talk to Terence to keep both of us awake. I'm not sure what I was about to say...

All in all, it was a realllllly fun day!! We think we might do this at least a couple of times a year...however, Pepper won't be making the drive that much because of the limit on the lease I think.