no more random thoughts

i used to post random thoughts that would come to me during the day. lately, however, i am not getting "random thoughts" at work anymore. i get really angry thoughts instead. or really cloudy thoughts.

first of all, i went to see a naturopath doctor (who came highly recommended and is a teacher at the naturopathic college). he got my problems right away and prescribed a herbal tea, some pills, and a tinture for before meals. the next two days when i began taking the herbal remedies are completely blurry to me. i would wake up early (i.e. 6am) on my own, but by the time i got to work (around 9am), i was extremely exhausted. exhausted to the point of not being able to form coherent sentences when engaged in friendly or business conversations. exhausted to the point of not remembering how i got to work that day. exhausted to the point of forgetting where i parked (i have never forgotten where i parked, except when we came back from europe but that was because we left for 10 days. and i only got the floor wrong but the spot right).

anyway, so the haziness might be attributed to the naturopathic remedies, but maybe i was feeling under the weather or just ran out of energy altogether. i persisted and continued taking them, albeit with a little less enthusiasm. i wasn't as tired anymore but still pretty fatigued. this morning i decided to stop drinking the tea (i think it might be a little too calming) at work, and picked up my usual cup of daily drip from starbucks. i also decided to stop taking the multi-vitamin that is supposed to give me energy, and reverted back to my own multi-vitamin from GNC. i feel so much better.

that doesn't explain my angry thoughts. sure, it might be attributed to being that time of the month (i got all teary-eyed reading campaign speeches, come on). i think it also has something to do with the fact that i'm just getting so bored at work. thanks to the economic recession, moving upwards or even horizontally seems more difficult, and i just don't know if i have the stamina to last through the recession until departmental movements begin again. i'm not bored in the sense that i have nothing to do. i am bored because i have so much inane stuff to do. the only way i comfort myself is that at least my bosses aren't abusive (verbally), at least i get paid pretty well compared to other marketing analysts (this is a whole can of worms someone else opened and i secretly gloated over), and at least i don't have to worry too much about job security.

seriously though, i am 24, not 42, so i'm a little bored of being responsible and comforted by the fact that job security is important to me. why should it be when everyone else is off seeing the world, doing meaningful things for their lives that are memorable?

i think i need anger management and a prolonged vacation.

in one week

i really liked the excerpt of obama's speech on tuesday -

In one week, you can turn the page on policies that have put the greed and irresponsibility of Wall Street before the hard work and sacrifice of folks on Main Street.

In one week, you can choose policies that invest in our middle-class, create new jobs, and grow this economy from the bottom-up so that everyone has a chance to succeed; from the CEO to the secretary and the janitor; from the factory owner to the men and women who work on its floor.

In one week, you can put an end to the politics that would divide a nation just to win an election; that tries to pit region against region, city against town, Republican against Democrat; that asks us to fear at a time when we need hope.

In one week, at this defining moment in history, you can give this country the change we need.

I think it's really inspirational and the rest of the speech was really patient in explaining why people should vote for him. It wasn't patronizing but it was very eye-opening and honest about his plans and how he sees those plans working for people and making a difference in their lives. I wish I was American so I could vote!

winter? winter!

it all started with full on snow fall on tuesday. we had all been in a meeting and came back downstairs only to notice a snow-globe-effect going on outside! luckily the snow wasn't sticking. it was a really harsh reality check that said, "hey, you know fall? that season where you get to wear warm clothes but are not actually cold? it's gone."

i'm a bit sad that winter is coming so early because as i painfully remember, i hated winter last time and it felt like it would never end. so i can only sit here and dread what it'll be like this time around, esp. since i won't be able to travel very far to escape winter (thanks, economic recession!) this year as i had originally planned.

the plus sides of winter, though, are keeping me afloat until christmas:

• MAC sent out the pretty emails for their holiday collections. those are always fun to look at but i hardly ever buy any makeup these days. i'm wondering where the brush sets are, though!


• William-Ashley sale! this year i will make it there and stock up for the holidays


• remembrance day super long weekend - i'm doing it. i heart long weekends, esp. when they're four days long!


• the red cup. i am every marketer's dream because i buy into every single campaign of theirs. my favourite time of the year though, has got to be when the red cup is out at starbucks and i order the first of many peppermint mocha's with red sprinkles on top. yay!


• my bi-annual Christmas party! time for the big shindig again, and hopefully we'll be more settled in our place so it'll actually be kind of a housewarming party too

born to blush unseen

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,
And waste its sweetness on the desert air.
- Thomas Gray, Elegy Written in a Country Church Yard

The worst thing is that the world moves on. Time moves on. But it's so hard for people to move on.

to my bestie in kangaroo-land

Dearest Kasia

I just spent the time from 4:32 to approximately 5:03 looking through our old Gmail chats because I discovered the function. Also, let's not forget that my head is in a "Monday cloud", so of course I wasn't doing anything productive. This is all besides the point.

I MISS YOU.

I miss our random middle-of-the-day chats about nothing in particular but whatever came to our heads. I love the casual-ness of being able to just message you when I saw you online. Some snippets of my favourites:

March 2, 2007
Katherine: hows san fran?
me: it's awesome
me:my hotel room is in the Club level for some awesome reason
Katherine: cool!
me: i got a complimentary mini bottle of wine too
Katherine: and did you promply drink it?
me: no :(

only kasia would say "promptly drink"

---

April 2, 2007
me: oh we went to queen's pasta cafe on bloor last night - it was quite good
me: really hits the spot if you are craving pasta
me: and they have whole wheat pasta too
Katherine: i was always wondering about that place
me: i liked it
me: k i should probably close this window - i'll see you later tonight
me: i am thinking you wont' be working late...

we took seeing each other after work for granted i tell you!

---

April 13, 2007
Katherine: hows work?
me: not that exciting
me: you?
Katherine: its "slit my wrists"able
Katherine: but my current boss is leaving at 4 or so today and told me i can leave "any time after that" - so i think at 4:01 or so i'll leave

the term "slit-my-wrist-able" trademarked by Kasia

---

July 24, 2007
me: i finished harry potter!!!
me: i finished it at 2:30 in the morning the day after - couldn't put it down after i started!
me: i just succeeded in spilling yogurt all over my pants. for fucks sake.
Katherine: haha - really? how is it? i just started ot read it
Katherine: i was in the middle of another book and wanted to finish that before starting on HP
me: ok i am packing up because i just dont want to sit here anymore.
me: my pants are now clinging to me wiht a horrendous scent of fake raspberries from my yogurt

true friendship: sharing a play-by-play of your work day while maintaining a whole other conversation

---

October 9, 2007
Katherine: eeek! i'm SO excited about [the baby shower]!
Katherine: what can i do to help out?
Katherine: i'm currently unassigned and bored
me: you can call these people and reserve the stuff
me: wait no you can't
me: because then you'd find out my theme
me: forget that...
Katherine: ahh...ok
me: :P
me: i will give you a call later
Katherine: ok call me at work 417 941 8383 ext 13887

being able to call your bestie at WORK! during the DAY! to talk about NOTHING IN PARTICULAR!

---

November 15, 2007
9:09 PM
Katherine: hey - ok, so i think i might be in labour
me: WHAT!
me: or wait, as ross would say, "are they just braxton-hicks contractions"?
Katherine: they are kind of painful
Katherine: FUCK and they are coming like every 5 min!!
me: good girl, you're timing them
me: please go in labour so i can get out of work early tomorrow :P
Katherine: haha well it might be a false alarm... sometimes women have contractions and then they stop
Katherine: i did lose my "mucus plug" on monday though
me: that sounds gross btw.
Katherine: anyway it might take hours...do you want me to call you if we decide to go to the hospital? i mean, just to know if I am really in labor?
Katherine: it might be in the middle of the night
me: yeah let me know if/when you go to the hospital
Katherine: ok even if its like at 4 am?
me: and potentially confused and cranky, but that's ok
Katherine: haha ok
Katherine: jordan wants to know if i am indeed in labor if you would want to be my second "person" thats allowed in L&D
me: i could be?
Katherine: cause i think he's freaking out a bit
me: sure
Katherine: ok thanks...i'll let you know what the decision is...its just nice to have someone as a back up!
me: no problem, although i too, am squeamish
me: remember i couldn't even look at drunken puking dude when we were in the emergency room

it ended up being a false alarm and little Kubus wanted to be a December baby, but still, it warmed my heart to be in the know and to be invited to the delivery room

---

November 30, 2007
12:59 PM
Katherine: i get my UFE results in 1 min
me: i know.
me: i am also watching the page...:P
Katherine: hahah
me: i can't believe you're not in labour yet.
me: what is going on, woman!
me: YAY YOU PASSED!
Katherine: I KNOW!!!
me: CONGRATS!
Katherine: thanks
Katherine: 'i'm so excited!

so excited, in fact, that she went into labour and delivered Kubus a day later

---

That's pretty much my trip down Memory Lane so far...*uncontrollable sobs*

[Edit: it's funny that I am writing this today - a year ago today we had Kasia's baby shower!]

my irrational fear

i fear many things in life, but can usually manage to avoid most of my fears. i.e. i refuse to consider living in taipei because i am scared of cockroaches. i.e. i refuse to go watch scary movies. there is, however, one fear that i cannot avoid: the dentist.

i found my dentist after moving to toronto and she's awesome. the people at the practice are also super friendly. i was even friends with the receptionist for a while there until she moved on to being a full time student. i digress. no matter how nice my dentist is, and no matter how chatty my hygienist has been for the past two visits, i can't help but shudder when the "procedures" begin. i hate knowing that little machinery are working away in my mouth without me seeing and controlling, and i get all kinds of weird involuntarily reflexes to want to move, hit people, and run away.

usually my fear is somewhat calmed by the presence of my wonderful boyfriend who makes his check-up appointments for the same day as me. to clarify though, he's never had to hold my hand through a procedure, yet. anyway, today, i had to go alone.

ALONE!

i put on my brave face and sat through it all, but cursed evolution for not being advanced enough to give us indestructible teeth. it's an issue i may have to take up with the divine presence if i ever meet him/her. i flinched when my teeth got too sensitive with the little poking thing that spurts water, and almost snorted when water misted on my face (by my nose). i grunted a few times to stop the evil, and i'm pretty sure that without realizing, i was shooting daggers with my eyes at the hygienist. i know it's not her fault, but still, she was inflicting extreme discomfort on me both emotionally and physically.

i have no idea why i should feel so scared. i know why i'm blood-averse (thanks julia), and i know why i am afraid of ghosts (thanks scary stories that i didn't want to hear). i don't know of anyone who's been traumatized at the dentist. i think it's seriously an irrational fear based on the fact that i feel like i have no control of what's going on in my mouth, yet i can hear and feel every movement in there. AUGH!

afterwards i cheered myself up by parking along a side street and walking down to bloor west for some groceries and to pop into the bank. i love bloor west. it's my favourite neighbourhood in toronto. it always feels vibrant and bright down there. it's a well-to-do neighbourhood but doesn't exude the same hoity-toity ambience as forest hill or rosedale. it's where i would want to live if i were to stay in toronto long term because i feel so comfortable strolling along there, buying my groceries and checking out the little boutiques. the little walk perked me right up and made me forget about the horrid fluoride stuff in my mouth. AUGH!

i promise i will start flossing more regularly!

thanksgiving

i feel like it's an obligatory post waiting to happen - our thanksgiving weekend away at the cottage. let it be known it was my first time visiting the famed "cottage country" in ontario, and we weren't even in real "cottage country". we were slightly north of peterborough, in kawartha lakes, with a lovely place on buckhorn lake. the buckhorn thing is my educated guess.

i had seen pictures of this said cottage on facebook, via angel's profile. it looked so good that i could hardly believe it was a cottage. so i emailed the owner, bill, and begged him to share for thanksgiving. he agreed after a few days of not hearing back at all (bless the unspoiled world of non-internet-ness).

coordinating the details of the cottage visit was anything but a piece of cake. the control freak that i am fretted about everything. terence and i grocery shopped and alcohol shopped, bringing our food and beverage supplies to a whopping $637 in total, just for the weekend. also, i had no idea what to expect - pots? pans? spatulas? bottle openers? baking trays? honestly, i meant it when i said (while cooking at the cottage), thanksgiving would be much easier in my kitchen.

after a few delays spurred on by workaholics who insisted that we must finalize 2009 planning before we go home on friday, packing $637 worth of food and alcohol into two cars plus people and their belongings and terence's personal dvd, video game, and board game collection, and a pit stop at chapters, we finally made it to the cottage. it was dark, it was pretty, we were excited. we ate the cake that consumed my life for the week prior, and went to bed.

terence's birthday cake - scene from mario kart
what greeted me in the morning outside was absolutely beautiful and made me fall in love all over with fall.

the leaves! the colours! the lake! the sky! the reflections! the trees!

the lake in the morning - very peaceful except for the breeze that moved the water slightly

the canoe's maiden voyage with alex and terence. i was being responsible and supervising.

the turkey dinner worked out, after some intense scrubbing with easy-off in the oven. the meal was big, fulfilling, and knocked out terence promptly after his first plateful of food. he didn't even make it to dessert, but there's photographic evidence of him sneaking the leftover dessert we saved for him the next morning.

here's me hugging my creation - i even stuffed things up this one's bum!

my favourite view - from the hammock. also my favourite fall colours.

all in all, a really fun weekend. we were ambitious and didn't finish all of our alcohol, but we made pretty good headway with the food. had the other two stayed for the whole weekend, we would've probably finished most of our food and bevs that the cars would've been even emptier coming home.

next time, i want to rent the cottage for a full week. i felt like there was always something to do and i could never fully relax. for example, saturday morning we had to go buy easy-off and do the easy-off'ing and then cook the feast. sunday was our last day so i couldn't fully relax knowing that we'd be packing up and leaving soon, too. just needed one more day!!

have you ever

- walked into work, looked down, and thought, holy crap what am i wearing?
- reached down to grab your shoes from under your desk, only to feel a gianormous run from ankle to knee in an offending pantyhose?

such is a day like today. what the heck am i even wearing pantyhose for? i feel ancient in my stupid calvin klein pantyhose, and now i look like a total loser with a giant run in it.

yet another awesome cake

i was just browsing cake wrecks today to look for a link to another blog that gave tips on fancy cake decorating using gum paste and fondant...and i came across the most amazing wedding cake ever.  let it be known that what i am about to show here is from let them eat cake in california, because goodness knows when i might need to call them about some cool cakes!!

look at all the stuff going on here! can you spot all the characters?

oh, and that is rainbow road circling the middle (planet).

i love that mario is standing on a block. so funny!

here you can see that rainbow road is made out of sugar art.

apparently everything on the cake was edible - all the better!

the fact that they remembered to include the ball & chain thing is just hilarious!

check out the detail on the wing of toad's blooper (i think that's what he's driving...)

needless to say, i am super impressed.  this comes on the eve of terence's birthday cake this weekend (which i'm making), and i was totally planning on making him a mario kart themed cake!  talk about perfect timing!  my idea though, is not as elaborate, obviously...but this does give me good ideas on how to shape certain characters/objects from mario kart in a more simplified form.

the flickr album with more detail can be found here.

a few of my favourite things

i have this incredible urge to buy lots of useless fluffy magazines, bake lots of warm superbly awesome chocolate chip cookies, and make myself a warm cup of tea. combine the magazines, cookies, and tea with my nice comfy couch and we've got my plan for the weekend. the cherry on top would be if i could do all this in a warm comfy hole with a nice soft blanket and the hole automatically vacuums up any crumbs i may drop.